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What Now?

What Now?
Words & Music by Paula Ellefson & Steve Siler

(Spoken)
This isn’t the right time
You can always have another
How will you take care of it?
You’re so not ready to be a mother

Why didn’t they stop me?
Why didn’t I stop myself?
How could they say I would soon be back to normal?
Didn’t they know that my heart would be broken?
Didn’t they know I would hate myself?
That the secret would poison relationships
and become my own private hell?
What now?
What now?

(Spoken)
Think of your future
Career and education
Can you count on the father?
It would be better if you waited

Why didn’t they stop me?
Why didn’t I stop myself?
Since this happened nothing feels like normal
Why didn’t I know how much I’d be tormented?
Why didn’t I know I could never forget?
That the trauma would color my days and nights
and would shadow my every step
What now?
What now?
What now?
What now?

Why did nobody stop me?
Why didn’t I stop myself?
How could they say I would soon be back to normal?

I didn’t know I would always feel guilty
Didn’t know I’d feel covered in shame
That the weight of a choice made in haste and fear
would become my own ball and chain
I didn’t know I’d always feel someone missing
I didn’t know I’d live with endless regret
That the anger would burn in my restless heart
For the pain I would have to relive
What now?
What now?
What now?
What now?

© Ninety Forty Ten Music / Silerland Music (ClearBox Rights) ASCAP

Praise

Musicians / Vocalists

Other Helpful Resources

Comprehensive and quite accurate to not only the most common reasons someone chooses abortion (which everyone can identify with) but also the reality of the trauma of the decision made in fear.

Greg Hasek, MA, MFT, LPC , Southwest Florida Christian Counseling, Bonita Springs, FL

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Felicia Farerre

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Felicia Farerre

Instrument / Role:

Lead Vocals

Albums / Songs Involved With:

CHAOS OF THE HEART Keep Breathing DIGNITY In the Middle of the Mess (Dignity) FIFTY YEARS FROM NOW I Don't Know You Anymore HEROES UNUSNG Heroes Unsung MERCY GREAT ENOUGH What Now? SOMEBODY'S DAUGHTER Backing Vocals - All of Me, Into the Light TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE No One Can Love Me Like You Do

Ken Lewis

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Ken Lewis

Instrument / Role:

Percussion

Albums / Songs Involved With:

AFTER THE STORM Percussion & Drums - Binder of the Broken DIGNITY Dignity, Returning the Favor, Love Will Have to Do It, In the Middle of the Mess, Do You Know I Love You MERCY GREAT ENOUGH What Now SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER All of Me, Into the Light TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE Swept Away, Tell Me What You See, To Be Free, You Love Me / Drums - In the Image of God

Website:

Kent Hooper

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Kent Hooper

Instrument / Role:

Co-Producer, Engineer, Mixing, Mastering, Arranging, and Keyboards

Albums / Songs Involved With:

AFTER THE STORM Engineer spoken pieces, Engineering, mixing, and mastering THE APOLOGY Engineering, mixing, and mastering BEFORE WE SAID HELLO Engineering, mixing, and mastering BROKEN TO BLESS Engineering, mixing, and mastering CELEBRATION TABLE Engineering, mixing, and mastering CHAOS OF THE HEART Programming - Chaos of the Heart / Piano - Interludes / Mixing & Mastering - Chaos of the Heart, Keep Breathing, & How Could You / Producer - Every Single Tear - used Courtesy of Spring Hill Music Group, Inc. CHILD OF GOD Engineering, mixing, and mastering CROOKED ROAD Engineering, mixing, and mastering DAYS OF HOPE Engineering, mixing, and mastering DIGNITY Co-Producer, engineering, mixing, and mastering - All tracks / Piano - Do You Know I Love You, Precious Lord Take My Hand DRINK DEEP Co-Producer, engineering, mixing, and mastering - All tracks FIFTY YEARS FROM NOW Programming, piano, & mixing - I Don't Know You Anymore / Love as I Have Been Loved - programming / Engineer for spoken pieces HEROES UNSUNG Engineer for spoken pieces IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR Engineering, mixing, and mastering MERCY GREAT ENOUGH Co-Producer, arranging, engineering, mixing, and mastering - All tracks MORE BEAUTIFUL Programming, Keyboards, Engineer, mixing - Wildest Ride on Earth, Keyboards & Engineer - Interlude for More Beautiful on Guitar, Engineer - Affirmation MORE THAN A SURVIVOR Co-Producer, engineering, mixing, and mastering ROCK BOTTOM SOON Vocal Engineer & Mix SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER Songwriter & programming - All of Me / Keyboards, mixing - Somebody's Daughter / Programming, mixing - Into the Light/ Keyboards, mixing - Every Man's Battle / Engineer & mixing - Is it Me? / I Commit My Eyes / Traitor TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE Engineered, mixed, and mastered all tracks / Also Wurlitzer - Swept Away / Keyboards - Tell Me What You See, To Be Free, In the Image of God / Guitar - Piece Me Together / Programming & Keyboards - You Love Me TWENTY THREE Producer UNDER MY SKIN Mix and mastering WHOLE IN THE SIGHT OF GOD Engineer & MIx

Matt Pierson

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Matt Pierson

Instrument / Role:

Bass

Albums / Songs Involved With:

BEFORE WE SAID HELLO Heaven's Playground DIGNITY Precious Lord Take My Hand MORE BEAUTIFUL What Now (Mercy Great Enough) Wildest Ride on Earth SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER All of Me, Is it Me?, I Commit My Eyes, Every Man's Battle TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE The Cost, Swept Away, Tell Me What You See, Just the Way that I Am, No One Can Love Me Like You Do

Website:

Paula Ellefson

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Paula Ellefson

Instrument / Role:

Songwriter

Albums / Songs Involved With:

MERCY GREAT ENOUGH What Now

Website:

Ron Robinson

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Ron Robinson

Instrument / Role:

Guitar

Albums / Songs Involved With:

THE APOLOGY DIGNITY Returning the Favor, Precious Lord Take My Hand MERCY GREAT ENOUGH What Now, Hope Will Rise Again,You'll Never Call Me Daddy MORE BEAUTIFUL Wildest Ride on Earth TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE The Cost, Tell Me What You See, To Be Free, Just the Way that I Am SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER Traitor

Steve Siler

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Steve Siler

Instrument / Role:

Founder, Director, & Producer / Songwriter / Keys / Vocalist

Albums / Songs Involved With:

AFTER THE STORM Songwriter / Where is the Ground, Not too Far From Here, Twenty Three BEFORE WE SAID HELLO Songwriter BROKEN TO BLESS Songwriter & Vocals / Not too Far from Here, Innocent Child, Broken to Bless, Renee is Fourteen, Child of Mine, Beatitudes, Listening, Wounded Angel, Nothing is in Vain, Walking Each Other Home, The Apology CELEBRATION TABLE Songwriter & Vocals / Celebration Table, Come Meet Me Here, In Christ, I've Got This, No Power Over Me, Rock Bottom Soon, Say Anything, Shame Died These Things, A Voiceless Cry, You are Not Alone CHAOS OF THE HEART Songwriter / Chaos of the Heart, How Could You, Every Single Tear, Keep Breathing, Twenty Three CHILD OF GOD Songwriter CROOKED ROAD Songwriter DAYS OF HOPE Songwriter DIGNITY Songwriter / Dignity, We've Never Done This Dance Before, Returning the Favor, Love Will Have to Do It, In the Middle of the Mess, Twenty Three, You Should Hear Him Sing, Do You Know I Love You, Precious Lord Take My Hand, I'm Gonna Lose You DRINK DEEP No!, Don't Feel Much like Prayer Today, Drink Deep, After the Crowds are Gone, No Such Thing as Normal, Differently, Every Single Tear, Good, Twenty Three, Ambush, Today, Gone Ahead, Death Has Been Conquered FIFTY YEARS FROM NOW Songwriter / Fifty Years From Now, I Don't Know You Anymore, Love as I Have Been Loved, Before God, What God Has Joined Together GOD CAN USE A BROKEN HEART Songwriter HEROES UNSUNG Songwriter & Piano IN ALL THINGS Songwriter I PROMISE TO BE WITH YOU TODAY Songwriter IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR Songwriter LIFE OF FAITH Songwriter LOOK INTO MY EYES Songwriter MERCY GREAT ENOUGH Songwriter / The Days Still Yet to Come, Hope Will Rise Again, I Lay it Down, I Wasn't There, Listen with Love, Stain Upon My Heart, We Forgive You, What Now?, You'll Never Call Me Daddy, Your Life Has Made a Difference MORE BEAUTIFUL Songwriter / More Beautiful, Wildest Ride on Earth MORE THAN A SURVIVOR Songwriter MUSIC FOR THE LITLE SOUL Songwriter THE NEXT RIGHT THING Songwriter NO POWER OVER ME Songwriter & Vocalist ROCK BOTTOM SOON Songwriter & Vocalist SET SAIL Songwriter SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER Songwriter / Traitor, Somebody's Daughter, All of Me, Into the Light, Is It Me?, I Commit My Eyes, Every Man's Battle /also / Keyboards - Is It Me? TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE Songwriter / The Cost, You Love Me, In the image of God, Just the Way that I Am, No One Can Love Me like You Do TWENTY THREE Songwriter UNDER MY SKIN Songwriter WHERE IS MY FAITH Songwriter WHOLE IN THE SIGHT OF GOD Songwriter / Whole in the Sight of God WRONG CONVERSATIONS Songwriter

Website:

Tony Morra

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Tony Morra

Instrument / Role:

Drums

Albums / Songs Involved With:

AFTER THE STORM City of Hope MORE BEAUTIFUL Wildest Ride on Earth (More Beautiful) SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER Somebody's Daughter, Is it Me?, I Commit My Eyes, Every Man's Battle UNDER MY SKIN Drums & Tracking Engineer - Under My Skin

Yolanda Hamm

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Yolanda Hamm

Instrument / Role:

Speaker

Albums / Songs Involved With:

DRINK DEEP Speaker on "No!" MERCY GREAT ENOUGH Speaker on "What Now?" UNDER MY SKIN Interviewee for documentary

Website:

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