I was prepared not to like How Could You. But it evolved into an incredibly realistic expression of a survivor’s struggle with God’s sovereignty – and our loved one’s choices. Those ‘How could you?” questions are such a large part of our recovery process.
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How Could You
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A song expressing anger at God over the suicide.
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How Could You
How Could You
Words & Music by John Mandeville & Steve Siler
Psalm 88
What kind of God would let this happen?
How could you be so unfair?
You’re the one whose love
is supposed to be enough
It feels like you don’t even care
I thought that I could trust you
I thought I knew what you were like
What did I do to deserve
this cruel relentless hurt
this bottomless void in my life
How could you?
How could you?
How could you ?
How could you?
Why didn’t you step in and stop this?
How could you bring me so much pain?
In my deepest hour of need why did you abandon me?
With nothing but your silence to embrace
How could you?
How could you?
How could you?
How could you?
I’m the Lord your God who loves you
Your rage is safe with me
I will never leave you
I’ll meet you where you’ll meet me
Tell me everything you’re feeling
You can’t make me turn away
Let me have your anger
There’s all kinds of ways to pray
Talk to me
© Dayspring Music ( A div. Of Word Music ) / Lehsem Music
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I’m a single mom. My seventeen-year-old son killed himself. He was my only child. He was my whole family. I was so angry at God that I couldn’t pray. I just said, ‘I’m done with you,’ and I stopped speaking to Him altogether. I lost my faith. Then somebody gave me a copy of Chaos of the Heart, and I heard ‘How Could You.’ Before I knew it, I started screaming and raging at God, and I couldn’t stop. You gave me prayer language. All I’m doing is yelling at God, but at least we’re talking again.
Anonymous
How Could You helped me to vent the anger I was feeling that God allowed my brother’s life to be senselessly cut short.
Christy R., Nashville, TN
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John Mandeville
John Mandeville
Instrument / Role:
Songwriter
Albums / Songs Involved With:
CHAOS OF THE HEART How Could You DRINK DEEP Death Has Been Conquered FIFTY YEARS FROM NOW Songwriter, Co-Producer, & Percussion programming - Fifty Years From Now / Songwriter & vocal - Before God MUSIC FOR THE LITTLE SOULA Songwriter, programming, keyboards, producer All Songs SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER Somebody's Daughter, Is It Me?, Into the Light, I Commit My Eyes / Songwriter & Backing Vocals - Every Man's Battle / Songwriter & Vocal - Free / Writer & Speaker - You Can Make It
Kent Hooper
Kent Hooper
Instrument / Role:
Co-Producer, Engineer, Mixing, Mastering, Arranging, and Keyboards
Albums / Songs Involved With:
AFTER THE STORM Engineer spoken pieces, Engineering, mixing, and mastering THE APOLOGY Engineering, mixing, and mastering BEFORE WE SAID HELLO Engineering, mixing, and mastering BROKEN TO BLESS Engineering, mixing, and mastering CELEBRATION TABLE Engineering, mixing, and mastering CHAOS OF THE HEART Programming - Chaos of the Heart / Piano - Interludes / Mixing & Mastering - Chaos of the Heart, Keep Breathing, & How Could You / Producer - Every Single Tear - used Courtesy of Spring Hill Music Group, Inc. CHILD OF GOD Engineering, mixing, and mastering CROOKED ROAD Engineering, mixing, and mastering DAYS OF HOPE Engineering, mixing, and mastering DIGNITY Co-Producer, engineering, mixing, and mastering - All tracks / Piano - Do You Know I Love You, Precious Lord Take My Hand DRINK DEEP Co-Producer, engineering, mixing, and mastering - All tracks FIFTY YEARS FROM NOW Programming, piano, & mixing - I Don't Know You Anymore / Love as I Have Been Loved - programming / Engineer for spoken pieces HEROES UNSUNG Engineer for spoken pieces IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR Engineering, mixing, and mastering MERCY GREAT ENOUGH Co-Producer, arranging, engineering, mixing, and mastering - All tracks MORE BEAUTIFUL Programming, Keyboards, Engineer, mixing - Wildest Ride on Earth, Keyboards & Engineer - Interlude for More Beautiful on Guitar, Engineer - Affirmation MORE THAN A SURVIVOR Co-Producer, engineering, mixing, and mastering ROCK BOTTOM SOON Vocal Engineer & Mix SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER Songwriter & programming - All of Me / Keyboards, mixing - Somebody's Daughter / Programming, mixing - Into the Light/ Keyboards, mixing - Every Man's Battle / Engineer & mixing - Is it Me? / I Commit My Eyes / Traitor TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE Engineered, mixed, and mastered all tracks / Also Wurlitzer - Swept Away / Keyboards - Tell Me What You See, To Be Free, In the Image of God / Guitar - Piece Me Together / Programming & Keyboards - You Love Me TWENTY THREE Producer UNDER MY SKIN Mix and mastering WHOLE IN THE SIGHT OF GOD Engineer & MIx
Website:
http://houseofbig.com/Mark Baldwin
Mark Baldwin
Instrument / Role:
Guitar
Albums / Songs Involved With:
BEFORE WE SAID HELLO Guitar BROKEN TO BLESS Guitar / Innocent Child, Walking Each Other Home, Child of Mine CELEBRATION TABLE Guitar / No Power Over Me, Rock Bottom Soon, Say Anything CHAOS OF THE HEART Guitar / Keep Breathing, How Could You DIGNITY Guitar / Love Will Have to Do It, In the Middle of the Mess, Do You Know How I Love You, When I Couldn't Do It By Myself DRINK DEEP Every Single Tear, Twenty Three, Today, Death Has Been Conquered / Also - speaker on No! IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR Guitar MERCY GREAT ENOUGH Guitar / Broken into Beautiful, I Lay it Down Listen with Love SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER Guitar / Somebody's Daughter TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE Guitar / In the Image of God, No One Can Love Me like You Do, You Love Me SOFT RAIN Guitar / You're with Me
Website:
https://markbaldwinguitar.com/Scott Krippayne
Scott Krippayne
Instrument / Role:
Lead Vocal
Albums / Songs Involved With:
AFTER THE STORM Songwriter, Vocal - Twenty Three / Songwriter, Lead & Backing Vocals - Carry Me BROKEN TO BLESS Songwriter - Beatitudes CHAOS OF THE HEART Vocal - Chaos of the Heart / Backing Vocal - How Could You / Songwriter, Lead Vocal, & Piano - Every Single Tear / Songwriter - Keep Breathing / Songwriter & Vocal - Twenty Three DIGNITY Songwriter & Lead Vocal - Precious Lord Take My Hand / Songwriter & Vocal - Twenty Three DRINK DEEP Songwriter & Vocals - No!, Don't Feel Much like Prayer Today, Differently, , Good, Ambush, Today, Gone Ahead / Songwriter, Vocal, & Piano - No Such Thing as Normal / Songwriter - Drink Deep, After the Crowds are Gone, Every Single Tear, Twenty Three / Vocal - Death Has Been Conquered FIFTY YEARS FROM NOW Vocal / I Don't Know You Anymore / Songwriter, lead vocal & piano - Love as I Have Been Loved GOD CAN USE A BROKEN HEART Songwriter & Vocalist IN ALL THINGS Songwriter, Vocalist, Piano I PROMISE TO BE WITH YOU TODAY Songwriter, Vocalist, Piano IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR Vocalist LIFE OF FAITH Writer, musician, & vocalist LOOK INTO MY EYES Songwriter, Vocalist, Piano MERCY GREAT ENOUGH Songwriter, Piano, & Lead vocal - I Wasn't There / Backing vocals - You'll Never Call Me Daddy MORE BEAUTIFUL Vocal / More Beautiful SET SAIL Songwriter, piano, programming, and vocal SOMEBODY'S DAUGHTER Songwriter, Lead Vocal, Backing Vocals - All of Me TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE Songwriter - You Love Me / Backing Vocals - Just the Way that I Am TWENTY THREE Songwriter & Vocal - Twenty Three WHERE IS MY FAITH Songwriter, Vocalist, Piano WHOLE IN THE SIGHT OF GOD Vocal / Whole in the Sight of God WRONG CONVERSATIONS Songwriter, Vocalist, Piano
Website:
https://scottkrippayne.com/Steve Siler
Steve Siler
Instrument / Role:
Founder, Director, & Producer / Songwriter / Keys / Vocalist
Albums / Songs Involved With:
AFTER THE STORM Songwriter / Where is the Ground, Not too Far From Here, Twenty Three BEFORE WE SAID HELLO Songwriter BROKEN TO BLESS Songwriter & Vocals / Not too Far from Here, Innocent Child, Broken to Bless, Renee is Fourteen, Child of Mine, Beatitudes, Listening, Wounded Angel, Nothing is in Vain, Walking Each Other Home, The Apology CELEBRATION TABLE Songwriter & Vocals / Celebration Table, Come Meet Me Here, In Christ, I've Got This, No Power Over Me, Rock Bottom Soon, Say Anything, Shame Died These Things, A Voiceless Cry, You are Not Alone CHAOS OF THE HEART Songwriter / Chaos of the Heart, How Could You, Every Single Tear, Keep Breathing, Twenty Three CHILD OF GOD Songwriter CROOKED ROAD Songwriter DAYS OF HOPE Songwriter DIGNITY Songwriter / Dignity, We've Never Done This Dance Before, Returning the Favor, Love Will Have to Do It, In the Middle of the Mess, Twenty Three, You Should Hear Him Sing, Do You Know I Love You, Precious Lord Take My Hand, I'm Gonna Lose You DRINK DEEP No!, Don't Feel Much like Prayer Today, Drink Deep, After the Crowds are Gone, No Such Thing as Normal, Differently, Every Single Tear, Good, Twenty Three, Ambush, Today, Gone Ahead, Death Has Been Conquered FIFTY YEARS FROM NOW Songwriter / Fifty Years From Now, I Don't Know You Anymore, Love as I Have Been Loved, Before God, What God Has Joined Together GOD CAN USE A BROKEN HEART Songwriter HEROES UNSUNG Songwriter & Piano IN ALL THINGS Songwriter I PROMISE TO BE WITH YOU TODAY Songwriter IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR Songwriter LIFE OF FAITH Songwriter LOOK INTO MY EYES Songwriter MERCY GREAT ENOUGH Songwriter / The Days Still Yet to Come, Hope Will Rise Again, I Lay it Down, I Wasn't There, Listen with Love, Stain Upon My Heart, We Forgive You, What Now?, You'll Never Call Me Daddy, Your Life Has Made a Difference MORE BEAUTIFUL Songwriter / More Beautiful, Wildest Ride on Earth MORE THAN A SURVIVOR Songwriter MUSIC FOR THE LITLE SOUL Songwriter THE NEXT RIGHT THING Songwriter NO POWER OVER ME Songwriter & Vocalist ROCK BOTTOM SOON Songwriter & Vocalist SET SAIL Songwriter SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER Songwriter / Traitor, Somebody's Daughter, All of Me, Into the Light, Is It Me?, I Commit My Eyes, Every Man's Battle /also / Keyboards - Is It Me? TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE Songwriter / The Cost, You Love Me, In the image of God, Just the Way that I Am, No One Can Love Me like You Do TWENTY THREE Songwriter UNDER MY SKIN Songwriter WHERE IS MY FAITH Songwriter WHOLE IN THE SIGHT OF GOD Songwriter / Whole in the Sight of God WRONG CONVERSATIONS Songwriter