It’s amazing how the words to Chaos of the Heart really sum it all up. Thank you for making it. I have found comfort in it.
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Chaos of the Heart - Song
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A song about all the conflicting feelings experienced by those who lose a loved one to a suicide death.
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Chaos of the Heart
Chaos of the Heart
Words & Music by Tony Wood & Steve Siler
I’ll never pass that park again
And not think of you
And I have to drive that street again
Each day a time or two
And every rainy night in August
Every gunshot on TV
Every phone call after midnight
Brings it all back home to me
CHORUS
And I’m sorry and I’m sad
and I’m hurting and I’m mad
and I love you and I hate you
and it makes me feel so bad
The good is stained with evil
They cannot be pulled apart
Is there any healing from
This chaos of the heart
Every thought of you is painful
Every choice seems half a lie
Every memory a reminder
You didn’t have to die
Sometimes it’s hard to blame you
You were desperate for some peace
But your death is an indictment
And for me there’s no release
CHORUS
Why do I feel guilty?
Will I ever find relief?
Cause…
CHORUS
Healing’s slow to come
From this chaos of the heart
© Row J, Seat 9 Songs / New Spring-Publishing ASCAP / Silerland Music ASCAP (administered by the Copyright Company)
Praise
Musicians / Vocalists
Other Helpful Resources
Thank you for Chaos of the Heart. As the wife of a man who killed himself two years ago, I can tell you that the song does a great job of capturing the dichotomy of emotions we feel.
Donna Watson, Suicide Support Group Facilitator, Gainesville, FL
I’ve never heard a finer song on this or related subjects. I’m weeping. This is the most moving song I have ever heard.
Dave Biebel, Denver, CO
Leave Praise
Dave Cleveland
Dave Cleveland
Instrument / Role:
Guitar
Albums / Songs Involved With:
FIFTY YEARS FROM NOW I Don't Know You Anymore, Love as I Have Been Love, Before God, What God Has Joined Together CHAOS OF THE HEART Chaos of the Heart HEROES UNSUNG Guitar & Arrangement - Heroes Unsung Instrumental MORE BEAUTIFUL Co-writer and Guitar - Interlude on More Beautiful for Guitar / Guitar - Prelude, Postlude MUSIC FOR THE LITTLE SOUL All Guitars SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER All of Me UNDER MY SKIN Under My Skin / Also interviewee for the documentary
David Angell
David Angell
Instrument / Role:
Violin
Albums / Songs Involved With:
AFTER THE STORM Trust Jesus, Binder of the Broken CHAOS OF THE HEART Chaos of the Heart DAYS OF HOPE DIGNITY Dignity, We've Never Done This Dance Before, You Should Hear Him Sing, I'm Gonna Lose You, Twenty Three DRINK DEEP After the Crowds are Gone, Differently, As Good as Goodbye Gets, Death Has Been Conquered INNOCENT CHILD (Becky Nordquist) MERCY GREAT ENOUGH Stain Upon My Heart, I Wasn't There, Hope Will Rise Again, We Forgive You MORE THAN A SURVIVOR SOFT RAIN SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER Traitor, Somebody's Daughter, I Commit My Eyes TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE The Cost, Beautiful Jesus, Tell Me What You See, To Be Free TWENTY THREE Twenty Three WHOLE IN THE SIGHT OF GOD Whole in the Sight of God
David Davidson
David Davidson
Instrument / Role:
Violin
Albums / Songs Involved With:
AFTER THE STORM Violin -Trust Jesus, Binder of the Broken BEFORE WE SAID HELLO Violin CHAOS OF THE HEART (Chaos of the Heart ) DAYS OF HOPE DIGNITY Dignity, We've Never Done This Dance Before, You Should Hear Him Sing, I'm Gonna Lose You, Twenty Three DRINK DEEP After the Crowds are Gone, Differently, As Good as Goodbye Gets, Death Has Been Conquered INNOCENT CHILD (Becky Nordquist) MERCY GREAT ENOUGH I Wasn't There, Hope Will Rise Again, Stain Upon My Heart, We Forgive You MORE BEAUTIFUL Wildest Ride on Earth MORE THAN A SURVIVOR SOFT RAIN SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER Traitor, Somebody's Daughter, I Commit My Eyes TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE The Cost, Beautiful Jesus, Tell Me What You See, To Be Free TWENTY THREE Twenty Three WHOLE IN THE SIGHT OF GOD Whole in the Sight of God
Website:
http://davidsviolin.com/Kent Hooper
Kent Hooper
Instrument / Role:
Co-Producer, Engineer, Mixing, Mastering, Arranging, and Keyboards
Albums / Songs Involved With:
AFTER THE STORM Engineer spoken pieces, Engineering, mixing, and mastering THE APOLOGY Engineering, mixing, and mastering BEFORE WE SAID HELLO Engineering, mixing, and mastering BROKEN TO BLESS Engineering, mixing, and mastering CELEBRATION TABLE Engineering, mixing, and mastering CHAOS OF THE HEART Programming - Chaos of the Heart / Piano - Interludes / Mixing & Mastering - Chaos of the Heart, Keep Breathing, & How Could You / Producer - Every Single Tear - used Courtesy of Spring Hill Music Group, Inc. CHILD OF GOD Engineering, mixing, and mastering CROOKED ROAD Engineering, mixing, and mastering DAYS OF HOPE Engineering, mixing, and mastering DIGNITY Co-Producer, engineering, mixing, and mastering - All tracks / Piano - Do You Know I Love You, Precious Lord Take My Hand DRINK DEEP Co-Producer, engineering, mixing, and mastering - All tracks FIFTY YEARS FROM NOW Programming, piano, & mixing - I Don't Know You Anymore / Love as I Have Been Loved - programming / Engineer for spoken pieces HEROES UNSUNG Engineer for spoken pieces IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR Engineering, mixing, and mastering MERCY GREAT ENOUGH Co-Producer, arranging, engineering, mixing, and mastering - All tracks MORE BEAUTIFUL Programming, Keyboards, Engineer, mixing - Wildest Ride on Earth, Keyboards & Engineer - Interlude for More Beautiful on Guitar, Engineer - Affirmation MORE THAN A SURVIVOR Co-Producer, engineering, mixing, and mastering ROCK BOTTOM SOON Vocal Engineer & Mix SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER Songwriter & programming - All of Me / Keyboards, mixing - Somebody's Daughter / Programming, mixing - Into the Light/ Keyboards, mixing - Every Man's Battle / Engineer & mixing - Is it Me? / I Commit My Eyes / Traitor TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE Engineered, mixed, and mastered all tracks / Also Wurlitzer - Swept Away / Keyboards - Tell Me What You See, To Be Free, In the Image of God / Guitar - Piece Me Together / Programming & Keyboards - You Love Me TWENTY THREE Producer UNDER MY SKIN Mix and mastering WHOLE IN THE SIGHT OF GOD Engineer & MIx
Website:
http://houseofbig.com/Monisa Angell
Monisa Angell
Instrument / Role:
Viola
Albums / Songs Involved With:
AFTER THE STORM Trust Jesus, Binder of the Broken CHAOS OF THE HEART Chaos of the Heart DAYS OF HOPE DIGNITY Dignity, We've Never Done This Dance Before, You Should Hear Him Sing, I'm Gonna Lose You, Twenty Three DRINK DEEP After the Crowds are Gone, Differently, As Good as Goodbye Gets, Death Has Been Conquered INNOCENT CHILD (Becky Nordquist) MERCY GREAT ENOUGH Stain Upon My Heart, I Wasn't There, Hope Will Rise Again, We Forgive You SOFT RAIN SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER Traitor, Somebody's Daughter, I Commit My Eyes TWENTY THREE Twenty Three WHOLE IN THE SIGHT OF GOD Whole in the Sight of God
Phillip Keveren
Phillip Keveren
Instrument / Role:
String Arrangement & Conductor
Albums / Songs Involved With:
AFTER THE STORM Trust Jesus, Binder of the Broken BEFORE WE SAID HELLO Before We Said Hello, Heaven's Playground DAYS OF HOPE DIGNITY Dignity, Twenty Three / also String arrangement, Conductor, & Piano - We've Never Done This Dance Before, You Should Hear Him Sing, I'm Gonna Lose You DRINK DEEP After the Crowds are Gone, Differently, As Good as Goodbye Gets, Death Has Been Conquered CHAOS OF THE HEART Chaos of the Heart IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR MERCY GREAT ENOUGH Stain Upon My I Wasn't There, Heart, Hope Will Rise Again, We Forgive You MORE THAN A SURVIVOR SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER Traitor, Somebody's Daughter, I Commit My Eyes TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE The Cost, Beautiful Jesus, Tell Me What You See, To Be Free / also / Piano - No One Can Love Me like You Do TWENTY THREE Twenty Three WHOLE IN THE SIGHT OF GOD Piano, String arranger, conductor - Whole in the Sight of God / Writer, Piano, Programming - Reflection on Whole in the Sight of God
Website:
https://phillipkeveren.com/Scott Krippayne
Scott Krippayne
Instrument / Role:
Lead Vocal
Albums / Songs Involved With:
AFTER THE STORM Songwriter, Vocal - Twenty Three / Songwriter, Lead & Backing Vocals - Carry Me BROKEN TO BLESS Songwriter - Beatitudes CHAOS OF THE HEART Vocal - Chaos of the Heart / Backing Vocal - How Could You / Songwriter, Lead Vocal, & Piano - Every Single Tear / Songwriter - Keep Breathing / Songwriter & Vocal - Twenty Three DIGNITY Songwriter & Lead Vocal - Precious Lord Take My Hand / Songwriter & Vocal - Twenty Three DRINK DEEP Songwriter & Vocals - No!, Don't Feel Much like Prayer Today, Differently, , Good, Ambush, Today, Gone Ahead / Songwriter, Vocal, & Piano - No Such Thing as Normal / Songwriter - Drink Deep, After the Crowds are Gone, Every Single Tear, Twenty Three / Vocal - Death Has Been Conquered FIFTY YEARS FROM NOW Vocal / I Don't Know You Anymore / Songwriter, lead vocal & piano - Love as I Have Been Loved GOD CAN USE A BROKEN HEART Songwriter & Vocalist IN ALL THINGS Songwriter, Vocalist, Piano I PROMISE TO BE WITH YOU TODAY Songwriter, Vocalist, Piano IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR Vocalist LIFE OF FAITH Writer, musician, & vocalist LOOK INTO MY EYES Songwriter, Vocalist, Piano MERCY GREAT ENOUGH Songwriter, Piano, & Lead vocal - I Wasn't There / Backing vocals - You'll Never Call Me Daddy MORE BEAUTIFUL Vocal / More Beautiful SET SAIL Songwriter, piano, programming, and vocal SOMEBODY'S DAUGHTER Songwriter, Lead Vocal, Backing Vocals - All of Me TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE Songwriter - You Love Me / Backing Vocals - Just the Way that I Am TWENTY THREE Songwriter & Vocal - Twenty Three WHERE IS MY FAITH Songwriter, Vocalist, Piano WHOLE IN THE SIGHT OF GOD Vocal / Whole in the Sight of God WRONG CONVERSATIONS Songwriter, Vocalist, Piano
Website:
https://scottkrippayne.com/Steve Siler
Steve Siler
Instrument / Role:
Founder, Director, & Producer / Songwriter / Keys / Vocalist
Albums / Songs Involved With:
AFTER THE STORM Songwriter / Where is the Ground, Not too Far From Here, Twenty Three BEFORE WE SAID HELLO Songwriter BROKEN TO BLESS Songwriter & Vocals / Not too Far from Here, Innocent Child, Broken to Bless, Renee is Fourteen, Child of Mine, Beatitudes, Listening, Wounded Angel, Nothing is in Vain, Walking Each Other Home, The Apology CELEBRATION TABLE Songwriter & Vocals / Celebration Table, Come Meet Me Here, In Christ, I've Got This, No Power Over Me, Rock Bottom Soon, Say Anything, Shame Died These Things, A Voiceless Cry, You are Not Alone CHAOS OF THE HEART Songwriter / Chaos of the Heart, How Could You, Every Single Tear, Keep Breathing, Twenty Three CHILD OF GOD Songwriter CROOKED ROAD Songwriter DAYS OF HOPE Songwriter DIGNITY Songwriter / Dignity, We've Never Done This Dance Before, Returning the Favor, Love Will Have to Do It, In the Middle of the Mess, Twenty Three, You Should Hear Him Sing, Do You Know I Love You, Precious Lord Take My Hand, I'm Gonna Lose You DRINK DEEP No!, Don't Feel Much like Prayer Today, Drink Deep, After the Crowds are Gone, No Such Thing as Normal, Differently, Every Single Tear, Good, Twenty Three, Ambush, Today, Gone Ahead, Death Has Been Conquered FIFTY YEARS FROM NOW Songwriter / Fifty Years From Now, I Don't Know You Anymore, Love as I Have Been Loved, Before God, What God Has Joined Together GOD CAN USE A BROKEN HEART Songwriter HEROES UNSUNG Songwriter & Piano IN ALL THINGS Songwriter I PROMISE TO BE WITH YOU TODAY Songwriter IT DOESN’T FEEL LIKE CHRISTMAS THIS YEAR Songwriter LIFE OF FAITH Songwriter LOOK INTO MY EYES Songwriter MERCY GREAT ENOUGH Songwriter / The Days Still Yet to Come, Hope Will Rise Again, I Lay it Down, I Wasn't There, Listen with Love, Stain Upon My Heart, We Forgive You, What Now?, You'll Never Call Me Daddy, Your Life Has Made a Difference MORE BEAUTIFUL Songwriter / More Beautiful, Wildest Ride on Earth MORE THAN A SURVIVOR Songwriter MUSIC FOR THE LITLE SOUL Songwriter THE NEXT RIGHT THING Songwriter NO POWER OVER ME Songwriter & Vocalist ROCK BOTTOM SOON Songwriter & Vocalist SET SAIL Songwriter SOMEBODY’S DAUGHTER Songwriter / Traitor, Somebody's Daughter, All of Me, Into the Light, Is It Me?, I Commit My Eyes, Every Man's Battle /also / Keyboards - Is It Me? TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE Songwriter / The Cost, You Love Me, In the image of God, Just the Way that I Am, No One Can Love Me like You Do TWENTY THREE Songwriter UNDER MY SKIN Songwriter WHERE IS MY FAITH Songwriter WHOLE IN THE SIGHT OF GOD Songwriter / Whole in the Sight of God WRONG CONVERSATIONS Songwriter