The Other – Replacing Blame with Relationship

Fifteen years ago we all watched incredulously as police officers and firefighters rushed into the twin towers in New York City. As a nation, we saluted the courage, bravery, and selflessness of these public servants who, with no thought for their own safety, put their lives on the line to save others.

Last week in Dallas, under very different circumstances, we saw it again – police officers running towards the danger, instead of away from it, in order to protect those in harm’s way.

What has happened in the intervening years to create a climate where there is so much antipathy, and in many cases, outright hatred of law enforcement?

It might seem ironic since I’m sharing this opinion in a blog post, but I believe social media bears part of the blame. We have a culture of immediacy now with our phones and the Internet where everyone, regardless of their level of understanding or thoughtfulness – and without taking time for reflection or to consider the consequences – can instantly share their opinion.

Since there is no “Emotional Maturity License” required to possess a phone, cyberspace becomes awash with all manner of vitriolic, divisive posturing within mere minutes of any controversial event. This results in a dehumanizing, polarizing us versus them war of words that serves only to bring out the worst in all of us.

I have a post-it on my office wall that says “Wait 24.” It reminds me that when something makes me angry I need to wait 24 hours whenever possible before responding. After I sleep on it I’m going to have a chance to think about the situation and have a far more reasonable response. If only Twitter had a “Wait 24” rule.

In Philippians, the apostle Paul exhorts us to “regard others as better than yourselves.” The Golden Rule says to treat others as you’d wish to be treated. Jesus tells us to love our neighbor as ourselves. To do any of those things, first we have to try – really try – to walk in each other’s shoes. This is one of the hardest things in the world to do. But one thing I know for sure is that the place to start is not by blaming and pointing fingers at “the other.”

We all know there are people who behave honorably and people who behave horribly. This goes for policemen and for African-American men. It also goes for lawyers, doctors, accountants, basketball players, and mechanics. It also goes for Asian people, Latino people, Caucasian people, and Native Americans. So, how do we see each other as people first? As children of God first? How do we get to the point where police officers know the people they serve better? How do we get to the point where we as individuals get to know the police better?

By being in relationship.

A few years after starting Music for the Soul I was asked to write a song honoring police officers by Joyce Boaz with Gift from Within. Boaz was working with officers experiencing post-traumatic stress from things they’d seen on the job and sent me some case studies to review. It was an opportunity for me to try and “walk in the shoes” of police officers, albeit from a safe distance. It helped give me a new appreciation for police and what they go through. You can listen to the song, Heroes Unsung, by clicking the link below. But what really changed my attitude about police was getting to know Nashville sergeant Don Adocx as a personal friend.

I remember one morning when Don stopped at our house after his night shift. He’d just come from a situation where a man was suspected of being holed up in an attic with a gun. Don was the first one in. He very easily could’ve been killed. He talked about what it felt like to not know “what was on the other side of the door.”

For the first time in my life I truly cared about a police officer facing danger. He was a person to me, with a wife, children, and friends who loved him – not just the annoying guy flashing his lights in the black and white behind me.

As it turned out Don was seeing me differently too. One day he apologized to me out of the blue. “I always thought songwriters and musicians were lazy,” he said. “Seeing how hard you work has changed the way I think about musicians.”

It was a relationship with one police officer that made me see police differently. It was a relationship with one songwriter that made Don see musicians differently.

What would it look like if, before we take to Twitter and Facebook to blame the other, we sat down and talked with an African-American man who’s afraid being stopped by the police might cost him his life? Or sat down and talked with a police officer about what it feels like to be in a patrol car?

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Steve Siler – Music for the Soul

Providing a bridge to hope through stories and songs that heal

To listen to HEROES UNSUNG click here

Originally posted  7/11/16