Chaos of the Heart

Chaos of the Heart A new CD for survivors of suicide. By Ginny Sparrow Reprinted from an article in "Surviving Suicide" the newsletter of the American Association of Suicidology Suicide is often referred to being the last great stigma. How cancer was once a whispered word, suicide is still today. Thankfully, significant events have taken place recently to impress upon society that this problem can no longer be whispered (think SPAN USA event on Capital Hill, think Surgeon General Satcher's Call to Action to Prevent Suicide). Now an organization that makes issue specific CD's of music and musing, Music For The Soul, has taken notice of this crisis of epidemic proportions, and has produced a wonderfully healing CD specifically for those who have lost someone by suicide. The songs are all beautifully written, and modern in the sense that you don't necessarily feel as though you're at a memorial. With some, it is not until you pay attention to the lyrics that you realize this is a song not written for pop culture repute, but for someone in deep pain. This quality helps to make Chaos of the Heart appealing to a younger, more elusive audience, while still being beneficial to all ages. CD's like these have been made before, but this particular one is quite thought provoking. Steve Siler, founder of Music for the Soul, states that while they are a Christian organization, the music is universal to anyone suffering after a loss. The "musings" though yes, Christian, do not propose to bear all answers, or judge what your process might be. On the CD these musings are called interludes, where the listener is suddenly surprised to find track four is actually a comforting voice, talking of an aspect of grief. The speaking parts of the CD can come as a shock if you're not expecting them, which probably make this CD something to enjoy in private. Or with your car windows securely rolled up. Questioning one's faith is often a source of guilt and confusion for a survivor. A comforting part of the CD states that God can handle your rage, with a wonderful quote; "There are all kinds of ways to pray. Talk to me." C. S. Lewis, multi-talented author of several books, from Mere Christianity to The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, is quoted on the back of the CD. This is a telling sign that this CD is for everyone, of all faiths, religions and backgrounds. The founder of this organization, Steve Siler, is a wonderfully kind man who uses his musical talents to produce this CD as well as others, such as More Beautiful, for cancer survivors and their families, and Heroes Unsung, for police officers and their loved ones. He began his musical career achieving what most young musicians aspire; hearing his single on the radio in LA, and his music as theme songs on television shows. Admiringly, he did an about- face and transformed his gifts to a greater good. His first project was to write the music for a play about incest survivors, which was overwhelmingly well received. Public schools, ignoring separation of church and state, requested the play be performed to their students. Therapists brought clients to showings, and stated that break- throughs were being made. Clearly there was a need for his skills in the healing field, and his new trade grew. He was then asked to write the theme song for an AIDS fundraiser, and penned the successful We're All in This Together. Another of his songs, Not Too Far From Here was used during a montage on Good Morning America after the Oklahoma City bombing. I corresponded with Steve via email about Chaos of The Heart. Q: A CD for those who have lost someone to suicide is obviously for a specific, and due to stigma, obscure market. What was the inspiration for this idea? A: Part of the ongoing process of Music for the Soul is identifying those in need and coming up with a list of projects targeted to meet those needs. (The list now stands at over fifty) While suicide was on the original list we were thinking more of a prevention record. It was a call from Lutheran Vespers, a syndicated radio program put out by the Lutheran Church, which put us on to doing a project specifically for those grieving a suicide. They had a program on the issue that for years had been their most requested repeat program. They wanted to add a musical element to the program and contacted us. It was from there that the idea of a whole CD devoted to this issue arose. The fact that the project was for an obscure market made it all the more appealing to us. There aren't enough resources for many types of issues out there and this is certainly one of them. While it might be a mainstream issue it does touch thousands of lives every year, and like most of the issues we deal with, is far more prevalent than most people would imagine. Serving the underserved and the ignored is very important to us. No one should feel as if his or her pain doesn't matter. Q: What has the response been to Chaos of The Heart? A: Of all the CDs we've done the response to Chaos of the Heart has been the most profound. One lady actually showed up at our office to thank us for the song "How Could You." She was struggling with faith issues after the suicide of her only son and the song gave her permission to feel what she was already feeling - angry. That is what we want all of our recordings to do. Help people feel known; help them to know that they are not alone; help them to know that other people have felt what they feel and want to help them get through their pain; help them to know that God cares about them. One of the most difficult things about this record is that when people call or write to thank us it is always a bittersweet moment. We're glad that the CD helps people but at the same time we're always terribly sorry that anyone needs it. Q: One interlude makes a profound comparison of a survivor's bereavement grief to the grief the suicidal loved one must have been feeling. How was this keen observation arrived? Were suicide survivors offered input? A: Yes, suicide survivors we're asked for input. We never put out any recordings without getting input from those who have either professional or personal experience with the issue. This always means including therapists, clergy, and survivors. In this case Sue Foster, who wrote the piece "Dear Survivor," on the recording, was extremely helpful not only in giving us her perspective but also in helping us gather preview responses to the material from other survivors. It also was wonderful to have such wonderful original source material to work with in Walt Wangerin Jr.'s Lutheran Vespers piece. CLICK TO BUY		CLICK TO BUY Chaos of the Heart How Could You A Thousand Whys Interlude Comfort For Those Who Grieve a Suicide Interlude II Comfort For Those Who Grieve a Suicide, Part 2 Interlude III Comfort For Those Who Grieve a Suicide, Part 3 Every Single Tear Comfort For Those Who Grieve a Suicide, Part 4 Interlude IV Comfort For Those Who Grieve a Suicide, Part 5 Interlude V Comfort For Those Who Grieve a Suicide, Part 6 Interlude VI Comfort For Those Who Grieve a Suicide, Part 7 Keep Breathing Dear Survivor Twenty-Three Chaos of the Heart - Grieving a Suicide click to hear (mp3) (Tony Wood/Steve Siler) (c) 2003 Row J, Seat 9 Songs / New Spring-Publishing ASCAP / Silerland Music ASCAP (administered by the Copyright Company) CHAOS OF THE HEART Words & Music by Tony Wood & Steve Siler I'll never pass that park again And not think of you And I have to drive that street again Each day a time or two And every rainy night in August Every gunshot on TV Every phone call after midnight Brings it all back home to me CHORUS And I'm sorry and I'm sad and I'm hurting and I'm mad and I love you and I hate you and it makes me feel so bad The good is stained with evil They cannot be pulled apart Is there any healing from This chaos of the heart Every thought of you is painful Every choice seems half a lie Every memory a reminder You didn't have to die Sometimes it's hard to blame you You were desperate for some peace But your death is an indictment And for me there's no release CHORUS Why do I feel guilty? Will I ever find relief? Cause... CHORUS Healing's slow to come From this chaos of the heart (For additional lyrics from this CD see the lyrics page)
Chaos of the Heart - Support Organizations Fierce Goodbye www.fiercegoodbye.com American Association of Suicidology www.suicidology.org American Foundation for Suicide Prevention www.afsp.org Compassionate Friends www.compassionatefriends.org Hope Central www.hopecentral.us Oassis www.oassis.org 1,000 Deaths www.1000deaths.com Suicide Prevention Action Network www.spanusa.org Surviving Suicide www.survivingsuicide.com SMHAI www.suicideandmentalhealthassociationinternational.org By listing the above organizations Music for the Soul does not wish to imply or directly state that they are contributors and/or endorsers of Music for the Soul and our products and services. Music for the Soul offers this contact information as a resource and does not endorse any specific organization. Always seek the advice of medical and counseling professionals on health issues. Trademarks, service marks, and other proprietary identifiers are owned or controlled by their respective parties.

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