IN THE WAKE OF SUICIDE:
A Child's Journey. By Diane Bouman Kaulen.
The journey of a young boy who lost his father to suicide.

 

   

Chaos of the Heart

"Thought provoking. Wonderfully healing. The songs are all beautifully written."
- Ginny Sparrow, American Association of Suicidology

Every year in the United States, suicide claims approximately 30,000 lives. Suicide is the 11th leading cause of death in the US and the third leading cause of death among fifteen-to-twenty-four-year-olds. Suicide rates are climbing among the elderly.

It is estimated that with each suicide, at least 6 people are intimately affected. Furthermore, in families where a suicide has occurred, unresolved issues surrounding the suicide can affect its members for several generations.

For those left behind - the "survivors" - the aftermath of a suicide is a crisis of devastating and life-changing proportions. The chaotic and traumatic nature of a suicide overwhelms the natural human capacity to cope and leaves survivors with intense emotional, psychological, and physical reactions they are unprepared to deal with adequately.

Finding resources to aid in the healing process is crucial for survivors of suicide. Books, counseling, and support groups have previously been the most often used means of finding help and some kind of relief from the pain. For Christians, the church, which should be a source of comfort and help, has instead often been less than helpful in the aftermath of a suicide because most churches are unprepared to deal with the conflicting emotional and spiritual issues surrounding a suicide.

Chaos of the Heart, an award winning CD, is the first of its kind produced primarily for survivors of suicide. It addresses the difficult issues for survivors and those who help them heal. Music, song, and spoken word pieces provide a unique and profoundly moving gift to survivors to help them on the journey from confusion and anger to comfort and hope.

Music for the Soul gives 10% from the sales of the CD Chaos of the Heart to organizations offering support to suicide survivors.


"As one who has experienced the loss of a loved one to suicide, I would recommend this unique resource as an integral part of the healing process."
- Sue Foster, MA, MFT

"You have captured the survivor experience with an understanding only God could have given to you. Your CD comforts, encourages, and educates - throughout. "Chaos" describes the survivor's healing journey with great insight."
- Linda Flatt / Survivor of her son Paul's suicide and Chair of AFSP-Nevada

"CD's like these have been made before, but this particular one is quite thought provoking. Steve Siler, founder of Music for the Soul, states that while they are a Christian organization, the music is universal to anyone suffering after a loss. The "musings" though yes, Christian, do not propose to bear all answers, or judge what your process might be."
- American Association of Suicidology, Spring 2005

"Thank you for Chaos of the Heart. As the wife of a man who killed himself two years ago, I can tell you that the song does a great job of capturing the dichotomy of emotions we feel. "
- Donna Watson, Suicide Support Group Facilitator, Gainesville, FL

"The Chaos of the Heart project is so incredible! I can't stop listening to it and have three people I need to send it to. You've reached down deep and grabbed the heart on a relevant and passionate level. Thanks so much..."
- Sylvia Lange, San Diego, CA

"I've never heard a finer song on this or related subjects. I'm weeping. This is the most moving song I have ever heard."
- David Biebel - Denver, Colorado

"I ordered your CD Chaos of the Heart and it has helped me to move on from the heartaches that I have endured. I've had 3 suicides in my family and I was having a hard time coping. With your music I understand now that I can let go and move on. Thank you for the motivating theme. God Bless You All!"
- Elana Sardella

"Chaos of the Heart is a powerful tool for ministry to suicide survivors."
- Steve Grissom
Church Initiative.org

"My husband Tony died from suicide. Chaos of the Heart helped me so much to get through the grief and pain. I listen to it whenever I find myself on the downward side of the roller coaster journey. I have shard the lyrics and website with other survivors. This was a God send for me and I will always be grateful. God bless you for your excellent work."
- Susan M.

"I bought Chaos of the Heart and I just wanted you to know how much it helped me. I think suicide is the hardest death to understand. Your CD is really great and I just wanted you to know how much it has helped me."
- Janice L.

"Thank you ever so much for your wonderful contribution Chaos of the Heart. It is precious. For the first time in many, many years I am feeling hope once again."
- Anonymous, San Diego

"I just wanted to thank you so much for your music! Four years ago my only brother committed suicide, I was totally devastated. There were only two of us in our family and I was the oldest. My parents weren't on speaking terms with my brother but did give him a funeral, after which they told me to get over it, it was what he wanted. I went to support groups, counseling and even writing.

One day I happened to find your site and ordered Chaos of the Heart. The first time I listened to it, the music said everything I was feeling, and the words helped me so much. Your site saved my life. I can now say I am a Survivor of Suicide. I have listened to the CD so many times that I had to just order another copy since I wore the first one out! I just want to thank you again for being there! God Bless You and your future work!"
-Sandy S.

"Can you send me another CD? I would like to give it to my mother in law.

I lost my husband, Bob, this past September 2nd and she and I both are really struggling. I hope she might find some comfort in the CD as I have. Thank you for making it. It's amazing how the words to "Chaos of the Heart" really sum it all up".

- Laura S.

"When my Stepmother commented to me that she didn't know if the minister would be willing to conduct the funeral service for my Dad it put a seed of doubt in my mind as to what would happen to my Dad's soul. The CD you gave me to listen to says that we are not judged by our final act. I got up this morning feeling that the dark cloud that had been hanging over my head was lightening and moving away. I know that I have a long way to go in the grieving and healing process but now I think it can begin - for real."
- Sandy J.

"At church my friend's 21 - year old cousin committed suicide about a month ago by drowning in Lake Michigan. She said she was very moved by the song "Keep Breathing." It encourages her. Bravo for what you are doing with Music for the Soul."
- MaryLynn L.

"I am a survivor who encourages other survivors. What you are doing meets a need. Keep it up. Please...be encouraged. You are addressing the heartaches of living in a sinful, fallen world. People need to hear this music."
- Abigail

CLICK TO BUY

CLICK TO BUY

  1. Chaos of the Heart
  2. How Could You
  3. A Thousand Whys
  4. Interlude
  5. Comfort For Those Who Grieve a Suicide
  6. Interlude II
  7. Comfort For Those Who Grieve a Suicide, Part 2
  8. Interlude III
  9. Comfort For Those Who Grieve a Suicide, Part 3
  10. Every Single Tear
  11. Comfort For Those Who Grieve a Suicide, Part 4
  12. Interlude IV
  13. Comfort For Those Who Grieve a Suicide, Part 5
  14. Interlude V
  15. Comfort For Those Who Grieve a Suicide, Part 6
  16. Interlude VI
  17. Comfort For Those Who Grieve a Suicide, Part 7
  18. Keep Breathing
  19. Dear Survivor
  20. Twenty-Three

Chaos of the Heart - Grieving a Suicide
click to hear (mp3)
(Tony Wood/Steve Siler)
(c) 2003 Row J, Seat 9 Songs / New Spring-Publishing ASCAP / Silerland Music ASCAP (administered by the Copyright Company)

CHAOS OF THE HEART
Words & Music by Tony Wood & Steve Siler

I'll never pass that park again
And not think of you
And I have to drive that street again
Each day a time or two
And every rainy night in August
Every gunshot on TV
Every phone call after midnight
Brings it all back home to me

CHORUS
And I'm sorry and I'm sad
and I'm hurting and I'm mad
and I love you and I hate you
and it makes me feel so bad
The good is stained with evil
They cannot be pulled apart
Is there any healing from
This chaos of the heart

Every thought of you is painful
Every choice seems half a lie
Every memory a reminder
You didn't have to die
Sometimes it's hard to blame you
You were desperate for some peace
But your death is an indictment
And for me there's no release

CHORUS

Why do I feel guilty?
Will I ever find relief?
Cause...

CHORUS

Healing's slow to come
From this chaos of the heart

(For additional lyrics from this CD see the
lyrics page)


Chaos of the Heart - Support Organizations

Fierce Goodbye
www.fiercegoodbye.com

American Association of Suicidology
www.suicidology.org

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention
www.afsp.org

Compassionate Friends
www.compassionatefriends.org

Hope Central
www.hopecentral.us

Oassis
www.oassis.org

1,000 Deaths
www.1000deaths.com

Suicide Prevention Action Network
www.spanusa.org

Surviving Suicide
www.survivingsuicide.com

SMHAI
www.suicideandmentalhealthassociationinternational.org

By listing the above organizations Music for the Soul does not wish to imply or directly state that they are contributors and/or endorsers of Music for the Soul and our products and services. Music for the Soul offers this contact information as a resource and does not endorse any specific organization. Always seek the advice of medical and counseling professionals on health issues. Trademarks, service marks, and other proprietary identifiers are owned or controlled by their respective parties.


Music for the Soul is recognized by the Internal Revenue Service as a 501(c)(3). Donations are tax deductible.